Who Do You Think You Are?
by Got2bMione
Summary: (used to be Ms. Granger) OliverHermione: Will they manage to stop themselves from falling in love when they're pulled together by the entire staff, student body, and their hearts?
1. A NotSoWarm Welcome

Disclaimer: I absolutely do not own anything Harry Potter or any songs that I may use in the future. The only thing I own is the plot.  
  
A/N: This is my debut fic. It is, in fact, a Hermione/Oliver romance fic, a couple that is a new obsession for me. I hope you guys absolutely love it because I had a blast writing it. I'll try to update as much as I can!  
  
Who Do You Think You Are?  
  
By MissGranger  
  
Chapter 1: A Not-So-Warm Welcome  
  
Taking a step back, an exhausted Hermione Granger exhaled and looked around at her work. A gentle smile played along her cherry lips at what she saw. Hogwart's mediwitch is finally ready for another school year with every bed made, every table polished, and every window washed, allowing the golden light of the setting sun to illuminate the room. She'd taken it upon herself to ask Professor Sprout for a few plants to decorate the otherwise boring, white recovery room.  
  
After inspecting every corner and every spot of the room, she glided out of the room with a satisfied smile on her face. As she walked down the hall, she looked around at the grand portraits and greeted those who were energetic enough to acknowledge her presence. The warm sense of familiarity washed over her like an ocean breeze as she reminisced over her school-girl days at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Along with her best friends, she made many precious memories locked in the back of her mind. As she listened to the echo of her footsteps along the marble floor, she was grateful for the peace, for it was well-deserved after the bloody war with Lord Voldemort.  
  
Caught up in her thoughts, she barely noticed her colleague and former professor until she felt the soft tap on her shoulder. She turned to look at the elder woman staring at her with warm, brown eyes through square framed glasses. Hermione grinned as she recognized the woman whom she had respected since her first day at Hogwarts. "Minerva, have the students arrived?"  
  
Minerva McGonagall couldn't help but smile broadly at the young woman  
  
standing in front of her. Of course, she had always thought that her favorite student would move on to achieve great things, but the actual sight of it almost made her eyes water. Hermione is no longer the bushy-haired, buck-toothed little girl who carried around more books than she could handle, she has transformed into a stunning young woman with a successful career and loving personality. Although she will always miss her longtime friend and colleague, Madame Pomfrey, she must also admit that Hermione is doing an amazing job filling her shoes. Although last year was her first year as the school mediwitch, her charm and friendly personality helped her quickly rise amongst the popularity scale with the students. "Not yet, but Albus would like all the teachers to be seated at the Great Hall to welcome their arrival."  
  
With a blinding smile, Hermione gestured to the Transfiguration professor, "Well, let us be off then."  
  
* * *  
  
Another round of applause ended the Sorting ceremony. Hermione clapped extra loud as the last little girl was sorted into her old house. A fuzzy feeling overcame her as she remembered the time she was sorted into Gryffindor. Everyone had been so friendly and she had felt so relieved. Now, the whole room was silent as everyone waited for Professor Dumbledore to make his usual announcements. She was amazed how even after the war, Albus Dumbledore still held the power to make everyone in the room turn their attention to him the minute he stands up. "As always, first year students are to be reminded that the Forbidden Forest is off limits. Also, a new list of prohibited items have been posted by our caretaker, Mr. Filch. For those of you who believe that you need to review the list, please feel free to do so." At this, Hermione was immediately reminded of the red-headed twins who had caused mayhem at the time they shared in the school and outside of school when she visited their family and she had a sudden impulse to visit their joke shop at Hogsmeade.  
  
Her attention went back to the headmaster as he continued. "Also, as many of you know, Madam Hooch have decided to leave us and is now a referee for professional Quiddich. Luckily, we have found a replacement in time whom I am sure you will all be pleased with. Now, let's give a Hoggy Warty welcome to the new flying instructor, Professor Oliver Wood." Hermione almost jumped at the amount of applause this new professor received as he walked through the heavy oak doors of the Great Hall.  
  
Ever since her school days, the older Gryffindor had always been popular. His skill as the Gryffindor Quiddich keeper was well known throughout the entire schools and she swore that she remembered him having a secret fan club that gathered in the library every Friday night as they mindlessly giggled about his amazing smile and his perfect personality. Of course, she only remembered this miniscule part of her childhood because of her immense hatred toward those who disrupted her quiet study time and in her opinion, Oliver Wood was an enemy for being, well. him.  
  
Now that she looked at him for the second time, she realized exactly why those girls became incoherent airheads around him. His smile was even more dazzling than she remembered and his physique was practically unmatched. He had a handsome yet attractively immature quality in his features and a magnetic presence. No wonder he turned heads when he was in school.  
  
Noticing her chain of thought, Hermione subtly shook her head again. What was she talking about? He's still the same arrogant, little Mr. Perfect that she remembered. She rolled her eyes as he waved to several students who were still swooning over him. 'Still Mr. Big-Shot, huh?' she thought as he seated himself next to her at the long table and nodded to quiet his fans. Faintly, she heard Dumbledore's voice again. "Well, with all said and done, let the feast begin."  
  
Taking her mind completely off the handsome Quiddich player beside her, Hermione smiled as she heard the gasps from the first years as the food appeared on their plate as if by. magic. She began her own meal as she shook her head at herself with that smile remaining on her face, thinking how ironic that Muggle phrase was in that situation. She had just put a piece of broccoli in her mouth when she heard a voice next to her. "Hermione Granger, right?"  
  
* * *  
  
Oliver Wood couldn't believe he was finally setting foot into his old school. It was like returning home after an epic journey. Then again, he had just returned from his role in defeating Lord Voldemort so in a way, he was playing the part of a nostalgic, worn-out soldier. He could just hear his introduction made by his old Headmaster and decided that it was the right time to make his entrance. Years of being a professional Quiddich Player taught him how to satisfy his crowd and his usual habits of waving and flashing his professional smile returned.  
  
He took his time walking up to his place at the table as his careful eyes surveyed his surroundings. The first thing that caught his eye was the spirited Gryffindor table. Memories of his younger self, sitting at a seat that is now occupied by a young redhead floated back to his mind. Those late night parties when the Gryffindor Quiddich team won a match... having Professor McGonagall come in with her nightgown on and yell at everyone to go to bed.  
  
Once again, he directed his eyes to the long table at the front of the Hall and scanned his new co-workers. He spotted the Potions Master, Professor Snape, with his hair as greasy as ever. The scowl on his face hadn't changed a bit over the years, just like that spark in his glare still sends shivers down his back. Many of his old professors were still there, Professor McGonagall, Professor Flitwick, Professor Vector, unfortunately, Professor Trelawney... Then his eyes settled on a young woman sitting next to Professor Snape. She seemed vaguely familiar but he just couldn't put his finger on it. He was almost positive she was someone from his past but he just could not put a name to that face.  
  
With a slight and unnoticeable shrug, he sat down at the empty seat beside her. Dumbledore concluded his speech and the delicious smelling food appeared on his plate. He picked up his fork and knife and was just about to dig in, but there was still something bugging him at the back of his mind. He turned back to the brunette beside him and stared for a moment...until he saw her smile. That smile ignited the spark of recognition that filled his eyes. From his memory, an image of a bushy- haired girl with that same, innocent smile appeared along with the background of a muddy, rainy day on the quiddich field in his seventh year. He had his suspicions though, because although he was almost a hundred percent sure, the change from that little girl to this young woman was unbelievable.  
  
Her hair was no longer the massive disaster it used to be. Most of it had been pinned up with a clip, but a few wisps of the dark brown hair escaped and fell down her back to her waist. The former eyebrow length bangs were now grown out and pinned back with the rest of her dark mane. A few shoulder length ringlets fell neatly on her shoulders and he watched as a slim hand reached up to pull it behind her ear. A new shine reflected off her silky strands from the floating candles and appeared to give off a glow. Her honey-colored eyes were still as warm as they always were and her delicate nose rested on the center of her face. Apparently, she has turned into a beautiful young woman. He definitely appreciated the change in the former bookworm.  
  
"Hermione Granger, right?" he asked, deciding to take a chance. He watched as she turned towards him, with her broccoli in her mouth and her full lips closed around the fork. He must admit, he thought she looked absolutely adorable. Her wide eyes stared at him like a baby deer and he could make out a sense of surprise in them. Slowly, she chewed her food and swallowing and happily, he expected an answer.  
  
"Yes, Professor Wood. Now, let's finish our meal before it gets cold." With that, she turned her attention back to her food and the smile immediately disappeared from his face. The abrupt end to the ridiculously short conversation was a first experience for him and he was sure he didn't like it. A silent voice called out from his heart, "ouch..." 


	2. The Perfect Way to Start A Day

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1 Disclaimer  
  
A/N: Hey, guys, me again! All right, first things first. I fixed my settings so now you don't need to sign in to review. I know that can definitely be a pain in the butt and had absolutely no idea that it was set to that so my apologies! As you may have figured out from chapter 1, this is an Oliver/Hermione fic. For some reason, I can really see this couple working out. Anyway pleeeeease review! Pretty please with whipped cream and a cherry on top?  
  
Who Do You Think You Are?  
  
By MissGranger  
  
  
Chapter 2: The Perfect Way to Start a Day  
  
It was a sunny morning at Hogwarts where birds could be heard singing their songs and not a cloud appeared in the sky. At the Quiddich field, a few players adorning the Gryffindor uniform laughed as the game ensued and the quaffle traveled through the air, the snitch fluttered around without anyone noticing. The Gryffindor team practices were always something that the players looked forward to every weekend. It was relaxing, fun, and it helps their chances of beating Slytherin in the next game. As the breeze blew across the field and the long blades of grass swayed to its gentle push, it completed the picture of a perfect morning. It's just one of those days where you want to get up early to go for a walk and smell the roses. The wind carries the sound of carefree laughter and...  
  
"Oliver Wood!" a loud cry cut through the peaceful scenery and everyone froze, even the flying bludgers stopped, fearing the angry voice that was headed towards their direction. Now who could it be that destroyed this little, as muggles say, Kodak moment? Why, none other than our favorite mediwitch, Hermione Granger. All the students were surprised when they saw the brunette storm across the field towards their flying instructor. The usually calm and composed Madam Granger had a furious blush on her face and bits of her hair escaped her hairclip and flew behind her. Finding her in such an infuriated state was almost as rare as seeing a troll dance around the school naked. However, the students have noticed that since the new flying instructor has arrived, that scowl on her face appeared more and more often.  
  
She came to a stop finally right under Professor Wood, who was currently holding on to a quaffle, and cranked her neck to look up. Raising one hand above her eyes to block out the sun, she used the other hand to point firmly at the ground. "You don't expect me to talk to you like this the whole time, do you?" she demanded.  
  
It may be twisted, but our Professor Wood always got a kick out of seeing her flustered and angry. So, with a chuckle, he performed a few spins in the air and he could see and hear a few of the female students swooning over him. Out of the corner of his eye, however, he could see Hermione rolling her eyes and raise an eyebrow at him. The smile immediately disappeared from his face and he flew back to the ground and prepared for business. She had that effect on people when she demanded it and to be honest, he's often scared of her like a prankster is of a strict professor. "Y-You wanted to talk, Madam Granger?"  
  
"Yes, it is in regards to Cassie. I remember specifically giving her instructions saying that she is not to be on a broom for at least a week. Although I can fix torn ligaments easily, they may have hazardous long term effects if they are not treated properly. Now what is this I hear about you granting her permission to practice yesterday?" Her tone seemed almost threatening and daring him to say yes. The glare in her eyes only matched her voice too well.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," Oliver joked at her gloominess. When he saw that she was in no joking mood, his gaze snapped back at his feet. With a deep breath, he looked up and regained his confidence as a professor. "Cassie... Cassie..." he muttered the name as he tried to put a face to the name. "You mean, Cassidy Roberts, the Hufflepuff chaser, right?" At her nod, he continued. "Well, don't you think it's a bit cruel to not let them practice? Especially since they have a game tomorrow? Without their practiced chaser, they will be mercilessly slaughtered by the Ravenclaw team. Think about it, Hermion-" he caught himself before he said her first name. Well, her sudden glare helped as a reminder. He distinctly remembered the last time he addressed her by her first name, it wasn't pretty. "Madam Granger, the Hufflepuff need this win if they want to even have a chance at the cup."  
  
"I understand very well how excessively important the Quidditch Cup is to the students. Still, their health should come first. I hope that this won't happen again." She was satisfied with a nod from her colleague before she continued. "And another, Professor, I really think you ought to stop showing off your professional tricks in front of the students. Once they've picked their role models, they foolishly try to do everything they see are done. If there are any more injuries of students who are trying to be the amazing Oliver Wood, you'll be hearing from me again." Hermione was proud of the way she was handling this situation. She took pride in her job and how well it's done and she will not have some pompous, insane ex- professional quidditch player hurt any of her students.  
  
She was waiting patiently for a response and unfortunately, she wasn't exactly happy with the one she received. "Well then I guess I will have to practice my moves even more if I want to hear from you. Maybe over a butterbeer?"  
  
Her jaw practically dropped to the floor at his flirtatious remark and the scary, over-protective mediwitch came out of her pretty shell. "Do you realize how serious this is? Kids can really get hurt trying to do those moves of yours, especially since they are professional players. Not to mention the number of first years who practically idolize you and-"  
  
"I was just kidding," he interrupted her in the middle of her rant. Honestly, he could not understand this woman. Couldn't she take a little joke? Besides, any other witch would have eagerly accepted his invitation, even just to be seen with a celebrity. He had this nagging feeling that he would never figure her out and for one reason or another, it really bothered him. "You don't get out much, do you?" The minute those words came out of his mouth, he knew he'd made a huge mistake.  
  
"Well, that little... joke of yours was distasteful and certainly not funny. Also, for your information, I absolutely know how to have a little fun during my breaks. In fact, Severus and I are going on the next Hogsmeade trip together to shop for potion ingredients and then have a butterbeer or two. We were going to invite you, but now I am really second guessing my decision. Now if you'll excuse me, unlike some professors, I cannot afford to waste my time flying around." She was just going to make her exit with that insult when she turned around. "By the way, if you're going to favor the Gryffindor house, you can at least not make it so obvious! Be a little professional for Merlin's sake!" With that, she stalked off, leaving a very confused flying instructor.  
  
Oliver must have stood there for at least two minutes, just frozen and staring after her. He could barely pick out a few points from the string of insults that were just thrown at him. He figured out a few things though. Apparently, she doesn't like to be asked out, which is highly unusual in a woman. She can't take a joke. She would call Severus Snape by his first name, but rather choke on rat tonic than call him simply Oliver. To be honest, he found it highly amusing that she was bragging about her little potions shopping trip with Snape. It's not exactly an honor to go out with that greasy git of a potions master, to him at least. What could he have said? I hope you girls have a wonderful time? "Oy, Kevin! Is Madam Granger usually like this?" he looked up and asked the new Gryffindor seeker, who was carefully scrutinizing the air for the tiny golden ball.  
  
"No, actually she is usually very pleasant. One of the most popular on the staff, in fact. Always have a bowl of sweets for her patients, or random students who just like to drop by her office and hang out. I reckon you just got on her bad side because I have never seen her like that. You must admit though, she's gorgeous even when she's angry like that." The minute he finished his sentence, he cut through the air on his Nimbus 2010 and reached desperately for the seemingly invisible snitch.  
  
"Don't say that about a member of the staff!" He called out after the seeker. He must admit, somewhere inside that Quidditch-filled mind of his, a voice silently agreed with his student. 'Yea, if you can get pass that infuriating personality!' Remembering the unusual encounter he had just now, he yelled again,"Oh yea, and watch out! If you fall off and get an injury, she'll have my neck!" 


	3. Severus Snape Private Eye

Disclaimer: I DEFINITELY don't own any of the characters, schools, or. anything, for that matter.  
  
A/N: Finally here! I hope you like it. Don't forget to R&R! (  
  
Chapter 3: Severus Snape- Private Eye  
  
"I swear, he is the most insufferable, egotistic, pompous, obnoxious little brat of a professor I have EVER seen!" Hermione Granger practically yelled as she put the eyes of newt into the cauldron. The usual soft, graceful movements of her hands changed to a choppy, almost violent gesture as she began to chop up the wormwood. Snape, who was currently stirring the contents within the cauldron, was growing increasingly nervous by his colleague's temper. He almost jumped when the knife hit the cutting board with another loud noise.  
  
Ignoring the shriek that Snape had to gulp down, Hermione continued cutting the wormwood into somewhat even pieces. As she did, she imagined every piece of it to be a mini-Oliver, trying to escape from the fingers she currently had on his torso. With another swift cut, his head came off. "I mean, who does he think he is, that he can just waltz in here acting like he owns the stupid place!" Taking a deep breath, she threw the wormwood pieces in. a little too hard. Snape looked longingly. almost mournfully, at the spilled drops of potion that the usual, attentive would have noticed. His wrist involuntarily continued the stirring motion, but his eyes remained on the spilled potion as she rambled on.  
  
"And then, get this Severus, you'll never believe it, he flirted with me! I'm trying to be serious with him about the STUDENTS and he flirts! What is wrong with this guy? Honestly, there is nothing I hate more than some guy who thinks he's all that and that he's God's gift to women! I can't stand him!" With that, she poured the measured amount of nectar into the cauldron. It would have been perfect, if she'd held the flask a little lower to prevent more splashing. Snape almost had a heart attack as he stared at the hole that the drop of splashed potion was making in his black robes. The acidic, sizzling noise only added to the effect.  
  
Another loud chop from the direction of his former student and he snapped out of his reverie. Just as she was about to add in the next ingredient, he immediately jumped and put his hands on her shoulders, lowering her down to a chair. "I'll handle this, Hermione, you just sit, and relax, and. not touch anything." Without waiting for her response, he took the dish from her and carefully added in the ingredient himself, salvaging what was left of the potion.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sev. I really meant to help, considering I was the one who requested the potion for the bug that's going around. But I'm just so mad at him! I mean, I never really knew him that well but I didn't know he was THAT awful. What did YOU think of him when he was in school?" She asked as she folded her arms on the table and rested her chin.  
  
The Potions Master, now more relaxed since he was back in control, kept working without looking up at her. "You're asking the wrong person. He was in Gryffindor so my brain automatically registers him as a hopeless little brat."  
  
Hermione faked an offended gasp and straightened her back again. "Professor Snape, are you saying that you thought I was a hopeless little brat?"  
  
"The worst, and what do you mean, 'was'?"  
  
* * *  
  
"Good morning, Madam Granger. I do hope you have a wonderful time with Severus today at Hogsmeade," Oliver said with a teasing smile as he sat down beside her for breakfast.  
  
The minute he began eating however, his broad frame caused his elbow to repeatedly collide with her slender wrist. If Hermione was usually snappy, it was nothing compared to her intolerance in the morning towards certain annoyances. namely Oliver Wood. "I'm sure we will, Professor Wood, and if you will kindly remove your elbow so I can actually have room to manipulate my eating utensils," she stated coldly and stopped poking at her pancake.  
  
"Oh, sorry about that," he said as he immediately put his arm under the table. He was not going to tease her. He swore that he would behave and he was determined. However, one look at her and that determination flew out the window. He just couldn't help himself but tease the little mediwitch. "But come on, admit it. You just didn't want my elbow there because you're trying to deny the electric shock that my touch caused."  
  
He never got to complete his teasing when he felt a spiked heel stomp mercilessly on his foot. The sudden pain almost made him spit out the gulp of pumpkin juice in his mouth. He looked over at her and was stunned that she could keep a calm face as if nothing happened. However, he could practically see the horns coming out of her head as her lips twitched to stop the appearance of a devilish smile.  
  
"Women." he muttered as he stabbed the waffle and tore the piece off the fork with his teeth. He winced when he felt another shot of pain from his foot.  
  
"Were you saying something, Professor?" she asked in that seemingly innocent voice of hers.  
  
"No."  
  
The entire time, the pair was completely oblivious to the conversation that was going on right beside them.  
  
* * *  
  
"Have you notice anything. peculiar about Hermione lately?" Minerva McGonagall asked the Hogwarts headmaster.  
  
"It may have something to do with our new flying instructor. After all, her. changes did start after his arrival," the old, yet wise wizard replied. The two elder members of the faculty looked over the Potions Master at the younger generation.  
  
"You can stop staring. You're right, as always," Severus Snape's voice said quietly in their direction and they returned to their meals. "Just so you know, Hermione is angry at Oliver because she thinks that he is nothing but a pompous little git who thinks that all women should worship him. Oliver, on the other hand, has no idea that Hermione feels this way and continues to flirt shamelessly with her. Over the past month, they have been at each other's neck and I must say I have never seen her this. this. frightening, I guess would be the only appropriate word." The other two just stared at him as he emotionlessly poured out the information between the patient chews of his blueberry muffin.  
  
The two remained speechless for a second and looked over at the subjects of their conversation. Of course, they didn't miss the wince on poor Oliver's face and the satisfied smirk on Hermione's. "I don't know what to say. Has Hermione been taking lessons from Draco Malfoy, do you think?" the Transfiguration professor asked curiously. She had never seen her caring, kind, and friendly former student react this way towards. anyone.  
  
"Now, Minerva, we cannot assume what type of personality Mr. Malfoy possessed, even if he WAS placed in the Slytherin house. However, I DO find this scenario very interesting. Severus, as always, has an unusual amount of information on this matter. However, it seems to me that this type of gossip isn't exactly his expertise." With that comment, both of them eyed the Slytherin Head of House with Interest.  
  
"You try making a potion with that woman while she's angry. It's quite. memorable," was his only reply.  
  
To that, Albus Dumbledore could only shake his head and chuckle, "Once a spy, always a spy." 


	4. Hogsmeade Part 1: The Birth of a Conspir...

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this (except the plot) I really don't. Don't ask again...... I'll get depressed to be hit with the truth...  
  
A/N: Grrr... I didn't post this in time for my b-day. Anyway, I finally got my lazy behind into a chair and typed this up. Hope you enjoy it!  
  
Chapter 4: Hogsmeade Part 1: The Birth of a Conspiracy  
  
"All right, so we have everything we need, right?" Hermione asked as she looked through the different shop windows that she passed. She then shifted her gaze to the cauldron full of ingredients that she carried in front of her, occasionally having the metal bang on her knee. She was extremely grateful that it was Severus she was 'shopping' with because he'd been extremely patient during her hour in the Flourish and Blotts... and the fact that he is now carrying a stack of her new books that reached his chin. She was always glad that he's a gentleman at heart.  
  
"Yes, that is definitely everything and if it's not, then too bad," the Potions Master's voice sounded as he struggled with the ridiculous amount of books. "There is something that I'd like to speak to you about, Hermione." He paused and felt the mediwitch's gaze on him before he continued. "It's about Oliver-"  
  
"Oh my God, Oliver Wood!" she cut him off in an alarming voice.  
  
"Yes, that Oliver, now I know that he-" he stopped when he realized that his companion and crossed around him and hid on the other side of him. He could faintly catch her muttering, 'walk, just walk,' and feel her tugging at his sleeve. Her impatience paid its toll because with a strong heave, she pulled his arms from under the books and the usually graceful professor fell over the heap of texts now lying on the pavement. He had expected her to stop and help him up, but that offering hand never came and glancing up, he saw her continue speed walking.  
  
He looked a little closer and noticed exactly why she was running like a hungry baby cheetah, right behind her, having just came out of the Quality Quidditch Supplies, was their own flying instructor, Oliver Wood. "They're going to be the death of me..." the unfortunate Potion Master muttered before gathering his books and following in his tracks, hoping to rescue Hermione. 'However, it seems more likely that Wood will be the victim.' He thought with a shudder as he remembered their little potion making session.  
  
* * *  
  
She knew it was rude to just leave the eternally chivalrous Severus Snape behind in an embarrassing heap, but she just could not believe her luck! One minute she's walking down the street, content with intelligent company, new books, and all the potions ingredients she needs and the next, disaster hits. A specific disaster named Oliver Wood. When she saw him through the window of Quality Quidditch Supplies, she knew she had to get out of there fast, even worse when she saw him wave at her enthusiastically.  
  
So her plan of escape didn't exactly turn out very well, can't blame a girl for trying. Of course, revenge is always sweet. When he tapped her shoulder to capture her attention, she spun around quickly enough for the metal cauldron to hit his thigh. She seemed to realize that no matter how much pain she tried to inflict on him, he never screamed. It would be an admirable quality, seeing as how that shows the grand Gryffindor bravery and pride. However, this is Oliver Wood we're talking about, so apparently she hates that little detail like everything else about him. "Why, Professor Wood, isn't this a pleasant surprise?" she faked an innocent smile and said in a sugar coated voice.  
  
Oliver's face was still twisted in a wince when he tried to respond. "Yes, fancy meeting you here, Hermio- Madame Granger." If he wasn't in the presence of a lady, he would be yelling out a string of very colorful curses. He still must admit though, if she wasn't sickeningly fake about her smile, she would have looked gorgeous. "So, where are you off to? Didn't you say you came with Severus?"  
  
Since he hadn't done anything yet, she had to act civil. She wasn't going to be the barbarian to start the silly bickering that will inevitably take place. She found that his usual grin had replaced the wince on his face and he was once again back to his disgustingly handsome self. Suppressing a scowl somehow, she answered him politely. "Well, I was just going to sit at the Three Broomsticks and wait for him to catch up."  
  
"Well then, I'll accompany you," he said as he gallantly raised his arm in the direction down the street.  
  
"You really don't have to-"  
  
"I insist." She sighed, knowing that there was no way he would leave her alone. So off she went towards the direction of the famous hangout in Hogsmeade. As she stomped off, she couldn't help but think, 'men are just so slow.'  
  
* * *  
  
Professor Dumbledore was just beginning to get bored as Professor Flitwick explained the intricate details to a specific charm that he was teaching his seventh year advanced class when something by the door caught his eye. He quickly put his index finger to his lip as his blue eyes, twinkling with mischief, pointed toward the young man and woman walking in. All Professor McGonagall could do was shake her head at his childish behavior. However, this was the only way he kept life in Hogwarts interesting year after year.  
  
Professor Flitwick was just about to wave his hand and call the two over when Dumbledore quickly grabbed his hand and pulled it back under the table and then immediately used his handy putter outer to darken the light above them, allowing the darkness to serve as their own invisibility cloak. He could tell that Hermione was desperately searching for companionship, at least other than her current, popular companion. Immediately, the two professors caught on.  
  
"Do you really think that's such a good idea, Albus?" Minerva whispered as she stared at Hermione finally sitting down at a booth with a girlish pout on her face. That's another side of her favorite student that she'd never seen before. "We both know that she is such an independent person and would be furious if she found out that we would even consider-"  
  
"There is no doubt that she is a very independent person, which is all the more reason why we should do this. She will never find anyone compatible for her without a little push from outsiders. Now, we want Hermione to be happy, don't we? Besides, Oliver is quite the perfect match, in my opinion," Albus said, still observing the young couple intently. Now, they both looked extremely uncomfortable, with Hermione constantly looking at the door and Oliver finding the pattern of the wooden table extremely interesting.  
  
"I completely agree. The girl needs to have some fun, Minerva. They were both such excellent students. All right, Albus, I pledge my allegiance to this mission. If you ever need me to charm up a romantic location or situation, you've got me." Flitwick said excitedly as he smiled broadly, deepening the wrinkles around his eyes.  
  
"Minerva?" Dumbledore asked his longtime companion, having no doubt that he could sway her position.  
  
The Deputy Headmistress looked from the Headmaster to the young couple a few times before sighing and shaking her head. "I guess I don't really have a choice," she paused to see the excited reaction from Flitwick and Dumble. "Boys will be boys," she muttered as she adjusted her glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. She looked at the two sitting there and couldn't help but admit that they made quite a dashing couple. 'Maybe this isn't such a bad idea after all...' she thought with a wry smile. 


	5. Hogsmeade Part 2: Operation: WoodyGrange...

AN: You may have noticed the change in my pen name. Well, the 1 at the end of Ms. Granger that ff.net added was really annoying me and so I decided to change it... almost completely. The inspiration was... yes, from the shampoo company, Got2B! Mmm... orange scented goodness... You know the drill, R&R!

Chapter 5: Hogsmeade Part 2: Operation: Woody-Granger 

            "So... Madam Granger... How's the... infirmary?" Oliver said nervously as he waited for his order of butterbeer. The awkward moment of silence was too much for him to bear and he had to at least try to make conversation. However, judging by the emotionless face sitting across from him, it wasn't going to be easy.

            "Fine," Hermione answered. For the past fifteen minutes, she'd stuck to giving him one word answers. She had no intention to make small talk with someone she obviously disliked. The question was, why was he trying to be friendly with her? 'That's an easy one, Hermione. He's probably just trying to have one of those flings that guys like him must have with every female within a 1 mile radius of them. Well, he can forget about it, because he has absolutely no chance with me!'

            "Right," he said with his head down. Another failed attempt from Oliver Wood. He sighed at the tense atmosphere and wondered to himself why he followed her in the first place. 'It seemed like the right thing to do at the time...' the little voice inside him squeaked. Well, right now, the right thing didn't exactly lead him to a very happy place. From the scowl on Hermione's face, he felt like he was a criminal waiting for his sentence. Right now, he seems to be in line for the Dementor's Kiss... Taking a deep breath, he just hopes he survives the evening.

*                      *                      *

            Severus Snape walked into the Three Broomsticks inconspicuously... or at least he tried. He stuck out like a sore thumb walking behind a group of giggling Hufflepuff girls. He prayed to whatever superior being there is that he could walk by without attracting the attention of the glaring mediwitch. Taking a deep breath, he began to inch along the wall excruciatingly slowly away from the couple. At first he'd thought about saving Oliver, but when he saw the thundercloud looming above Hermione, he decided to save himself. 

            Right when he thought he had gotten away, he saw a light flicker at a dark corner and then a hand bickering him forth. He heaved a heavy a sigh when he recognized the twinkling blue eyes and knew that this could mean nothing but trouble. 'At least you have a safe place to hide,' he thought to himself, trying desperately to find a bright side to the situation. When he saw the look on the other two professors' faces, his bright side went right off a cliff and into a waiting pile of manure... face first. "You requested my presence, Headmaster?"

            At the smile on the old wizard's face, fear gripped his heart. Sometimes he was even more frightening than the Dark Lord had been when he was around. For the millionth time, he wondered to himself why he took the job in the first place. "Severus, sit down. Don't interrupt the young, blooming relationship." A scowl appeared on the Potions Master's face when he looked over at the table again. 'Young, blooming relationship? Perhaps he'd had one too many butterbeers... Then again, the guy has always been a little messed up in the head.' 

            He was about to reply when the short arm of Professor Flitwick grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down onto the booth. He'd escaped just in time for Hermione's gaze to momentarily wander to their corner without him being noticed. "Close one there," the Charms professor said, letting out a breath he had obviously been taking.

            Severus met Dumbledore's eye again and after recognizing that mysterious twinkle, his eyes widened and immediately he shook his head frightfully. "No, you're insane. You will not drag me into this one, you hear, Albus? I have spied for you for the Dark Lord, yes. I have risked my life on countless occasions, that's fine too. But I absolutely _refuse_ to deal with the wrath of Hermione Granger when she finds out about your little... game. I won't do it, no." He kept telling himself that in his head, but one look at the familiar old man and he knew that with a little persuasion, he'd have no choice.

            "Now, now, Severus. This is no game. We all just want Hermione to be... happy. The type of happiness only a lifelong partnership can provide. Don't _you_ want Hermione to be happy?" Dumbledore knew that over the past year, the two former enemies have grown close to the point of a brother-sister relationship. So of course, he would use that sore spot to lure him into their hungrily waiting trap.

            With almost a growl, Severus replied, "I want Hermione to be happy and I will do anything I can to help... anything that won't require me to lose any limbs or suffer any type of excruciating pain. You have _no_ idea how many different types of poison that girl knows. She may look innocent to you but she's really an evil little-"

            "Severus," Minerva McGonagall, who'd remained silent until now, shot a threatening look at the Potions Master. With pursed lips, she sent a silent warning to the man in front of her who was just about to call her all time favorite student something very inappropriate.

            "Severus, this is an honest and noble cause that we are working behind. We would just like you to pledge your loyalty to us in this mission. After all, wouldn't you be proud when this is over that you can say you deserve partial credit to Hermione's happiness?" the cunning Headmaster pushed the Potions Master a little more. Sometimes Severus honestly believes that Albus Dumbledore was complete Slytherin material.

            "I'll be bloody proud to be alive after all this," he muttered, finally giving in. However, since he _is _Severus Snape after all, he couldn't go without a little cursing of how his life is one long, dark fall. "Why can't Hermione just be happy with her bloody books?"

*                      *                      *

            A few tables away was a group of Gryffindors having their weekend butterbeers. What would the Three Broomsticks be without a Gryffindor get-together every now and then?

            "A toast," the Gryffindor seeker, Kevin Hollins said as he raised his glass, "to a serious Ravenclaw-beating at Quidditch tomorrow." At that, everyone banged their glasses together and cheered, attracting a few looks from the other inhabitants of the area.

            Suddenly, something caught the eye of Kathy Beckman, one of the two beaters on the team. "Hey guys, isn't that Professor Wood and Madam Granger?" she asked as she pointed to the two adults sitting together. Immediately, everyone turned their heads to the table. It was known throughout the school that they didn't get along for one reason or another. The girls sighed dreamily as they watched the cute professor try desperately to make conversation. "Poor guy."

            "Hey, it is them!" Rick Saunders, the other cheerful beater of the team announced. "Oy! 'Mione! Over here!" he shouted loudly with his hands cupped to form a miniature bullhorn. Before he could actually get their attention, however, her girlfriend, or the resident bookworm, Cammy Grant, nudged him in the stomach. Immediately, he shut his mouth while the other boys sniggered at how 'whipped' the boy is. 

            "That_ is_ the mediwitch, so have some respect. And girls, in case you haven't noticed, Professor Wood is a bit too old for you," she analyzed logically, earning a few disappointed groans from the lively girls.

            "But it's 'Mione! She's like our older little sister!" Rick whined, expertly using his twisted logic.

            "Look at them. They are _so_ cute together! Like some fairy tale. I mean, come on, they were both Gryffindors and neither of them are exactly hard on the eyes. It's just like your Prince Charming and the beautiful Princess," Cassidy Roberts sighed with the dreamy look in her eyes. She was personally fond of both of them, as strict as Hermione was, she cared.

            "Then it's settled!" Rick said loudly and everyone's gaze turned to him expectantly. "Operation: Woody-Granger starts now!" Another round of loud cheers came from the guys and the girls reluctantly joined in. Well, if they can't have him, at least he won't go to some Slytherin tramp!


	6. Hogsmeade Part 3: It Starts

Chapter 6: Hogsmeade Part 3: It Starts...

Disclaimer: How I wish I owned the characters from the Harry Potter series... but I did kidnap Oliver and put him in my closet next to my daisy duck stuffed animal! ... I mean... I didn't kidnap him... he walked in there on his own... Oh wait! Time to change his water dish! Excuse me!

A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I've had a serious case of laziness, not to mention school is about to start. It definitely has a way of creeping up on us, doesn't it? Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Mwahahahahaha, I love being evil! Don't forget to R&R either!

Professor Severus Snape was on a mission. One that he definitely had not foreseen. With amazing stealth and the grace of a panther, he crept back slowly to the entrance, away from the Headmaster of the prestigious school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. If he wasn't trying to sneak by the unsuspecting¡K what would he call them? Oh yes, the term that his employer used was "couple-to-be." Anyway, if he wasn't trying to sneak by the unsuspecting 'couple-to-be' inconspicuously, he would have let out a string of vocabulary that would undoubtedly bring him unwanted attention. 

He sighed again after escaping the somewhat smothering environment of the Three Broomsticks. Usually he welcomed the quiet chatter among the scattered groups seated at the booths as he enjoyed his mug of butterbeer. Today, however, it was more like a jail cell. Why did he have to do this again? Ah yes, a manipulative headmaster and that stupid Gryffindor cat¡K 

He waited just outside the doorway within the shadows. So far, the two seemed to be¡K getting along? They don't seem to be talking, but Wood's lucky that he hadn't already been hexed. No one knew Hermione's temper like Snape did. After all, before Oliver came, he was whom she usually directed her anger towards. A quirky and rare smile invaded his face against his will as he recalled a certain prank war between the two. Ah yes, he discovered that purple hair definitely did not match his skin tone. Thank goodness now there is someone else for her to torture with the skills she'd acquired with all those advanced charms and transfiguration classes. 

He was pulled out of his flashbacks with a sudden loud crash from within. 'That's my cue,' he thought bitterly to himself. With that and an uncharacteristic Gryffindor courage, he walked onto the battlefield¡K

* * *

All right, her patience was definitely running thin. This man is possibly the most boring person she had ever met. Can't he say anything or at least try to make conversation? You'd think some big shot ex-Quidditch player would be a bit more interesting. Honestly, it's not like she'd beat him up if he'd made civil conversation. It's just that most of the time he's rude.

She sighed. It seemed like Severus wasn't going to come rescue her anytime soon. She would have to be the one to at least start talking. Honestly, isn't this supposed to be the gentleman's job? "So¡K how was the famous Quidditch life?" All right, so she wasn't the best at starting conversations, but almost all her life, she had met mannered gentlemen who would be the conversation starter and keep her entertained. It's not her fault that there was absolutely nothing interesting about this man except a history of Quidditch and a somewhat handsome appearance. 'And it is only somewhat¡K really it is¡K' she thought as she waited for him to answer.

"Well, there was Quidditch, what can I say? It is the main passion in my life. But I don't know, I'm really getting used to teaching too. All the kids are great around here. A lot of talent too. Like the other day, the Gryffindor Seeker, Kevin did this amazing¡K" she stopped listening from then on. With her experience with Harry and Ron, she knew that this is just going to be useless talk in the "Quidditch language." She rolled her eyes and suddenly found her nails very interesting.

"As I thought, all Quidditch and no brains¡K" she muttered under her breath. Of course, she thought that no one had heard her, and so she was completely surprised when there was suddenly a hand slammed on the table across from her. Abruptly, she looked up to gaze into furious, and surprisingly enough, seemingly attractive cinnamon eyes¡K

* * *

He had never seen a more impolite woman in his life. At first, he had been thrilled that she voluntarily start a conversation. But her reaction when he started pouring his feelings out? She may be pretty, but this seemingly impossible friendship is definitely not going to happen with that rotten attitude of hers. He'd had enough from her.

With a palm slapped against the wooden table between them, he stood and held her stare. When she was confused, she almost looked¡K innocent and harmless. But he knew better. "You listen to me, Madam Granger," he spat out her title as if it were poison. "I may not be your best pal, heck, I'm probably not even your friend. But I am a decent person that deserves better than this attitude of yours. Now, if there are no other insults you would like to say to me, I'll be leaving!" With that, Oliver Wood left Hermione with her mouth flapping open and close like a codfish. 

* * *

"Woah, can you believe that?" Kevin said as he leaned over the table so far that he nearly knocked the drinks over. "Professor Wood totally lost it! Oh look, he's walking out. Dang, I was hoping to see whether or not 'Mione could hold on her own in a fight."

"I know, man, imagine if she could actually beat Professor Wood up. That'll be the day! Maybe we should have egged them on! It would have been one hell of a show!" Rick agreed with his best friend, now leaning over his girlfriend, Cammy, to get a closer look. 

"You guys! That's awful! Besides, Professor Wood is too much of a gentleman to hit a girl!" Cassidy said with a distant, dreamy look in her eyes.

"Oh please! You should have seen him at the Quidditch tournament a few years back. Man, the way he knocked that beater off her broom!" Rick said with a twinkle in his eyes. "It's like he always says, 'All is fair in Quidditch and... Quidditch!'" 

"Isn't it 'All is fair in love and war?'" Cammy said with narrow eyes as she tried to recall the famous quote. She was certain it was love and war.

"Yea, but it's Professor Wood, what did you expect?" Kevin said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Now, we need a plan to get those two together without getting caught, which means everything has to be done right, all the proper calculations have to be made, now I've got a plan, but it's pretty sketchy and you all know how wonderful I am at details." All heads then turned to Cammy, who was trying to avoid the task.

"Fine, I'll help, as long as it's not something stupid like having them bump into each other every two seconds until they think that destiny has brought them together," she said while rolling her eyes. Why are men so stupid?

"Actually..." Kevin said sheepishly. An unusual silence rippled throughout the booth.

"... You've got to be kidding." Already, Cammy could see that this is a disaster just waiting to happen.

* * *

"Well, that was... unexpected," Minerva McGonagall said in a state of shock as she observed the scene in front of her. Two of the best pupils she had ever had the pleasure of teaching just did not seem to get along. She honestly don't understand how her employer could possibly think they would find interest in each other.

"I would say so. I remember Oliver as a calm, collected kind of guy, well, except when it came to Quidditch," Professor Flitwick replied while shuddering at the memories of the Oliver Wood that he knew from Hogwarts. The Oliver Wood that had the insane look in his eyes whenever a match was approaching. If only he had that type of dedication towards Charms...

"Love always makes people act in... irrational ways." Dumbledore tried his hardest to encourage his fellow conspirators. Certainly, he cannot let them be discouraged because of this... this... can he call it a lover's spat? "Look, there's Severus walking towards Hermione. Maybe he can get us some information on the matter. Can't you just feel the love in the air? You know, I was thinking. Maybe we can use the old trick where we lock them in a closet and not let them out until they work out their issues and fall hopelessly in love with each other. Of course, to spice things up, we can put Fluffy in there too. Then maybe Oliver can play hero, get hurt and have Hermione play nurse! Then during the time she takes care of him, they will see how they were meant for each other."

"Albus?"

"Yes, Minerva?"

"You're sick."

"No, actually, I'm quite healthy, but thank you for your concern all the same."

With that, the experienced Transfiguration Professor fought down the urge to turn the Headmaster into an ant and step on him repeatedly. 'I _really_ need to look into that anger management class that Severus was talking about...' she thought as another image of Dumbledore the ant smiling deviously at her emerged. 

* * *

Fortunately for Oliver, Severus Snape chose to step in right after he heard the outburst, or else he would have had a very heavy object chucked at his head... Because it hit Snape instead. As he approached the seething girl, he whispered a silent prayer... that he at least live through this. "I'm guessing that it would be beneficial to my health not to ask if you are all right."

"Where were you? Do you know what I had to sit through? Goodness, you're a Potions Master for goodness' sake! Can't you walk a bit faster?" Of course, he didn't understand what his occupation had anything to do with his speed, but fearing his life, he just agreed and apologized amiably. "Can you believe how that... that... _thing_ publicly humiliated me? My goodness, talk about being rude!"

Here goes nothing, he thought to himself. He gulped down the fear at his throat and decided that what he was about to say proved himself to be brave enough to have been sorted into Gryffindor. "Perhaps he had some truth. I mean, you're not exactly polite to him..." His throat was hoarse and his voice trailed off at Hermione's glare.

"What?" she whispered in deadly hiss. Maybe she should have been sorted into Slytherin. Was this how that fool Longbottom felt around him? No wonder he always messed up his potions.

"Uh... What I mean to say is... uh... maybe you should give him a second chance. You know how uh... men are. They're dense and the scum of the earth so uh... just give him a chance and... start over...? ... Maybe?" There, he said it. Albus definitely owed him about a hundred.

He could see in her facial expression that she was silently contemplated this possibility. Could she forgive him? Now that Severus puts it this way, I _have_ been awfully rude. Well... maybe... "Fine. I'll try, but he has to cooperate also. I'll apologize for being rude, but he better not make some smart comment. I can kind of understand why he would be offended. I mean, like you said, men are dense and just scum. They're born that way, it's not like it's their fault..."

He began to change his mind about her. Maybe she wasn't as annoying as he thought. I mean, she's reasonable enough to be willing to apologize. Maybe he misread her when he thought of her as nothing but a nuisance. 

"Oh Severus, I'm so glad I have you to talk to. A guy could never understand me the way you do. Hon., you're practically, like, my best friend. I'm so glad that I have someone sensible to talk to about my problems. Thank goodness you're nothing like a man." 

With that, Hermione reached over the table and gave him a hug. As her cheek pressed again his in the show of affection and her arms wrapped around his neck, there was only one thought on his mind...

'... Annoying little brat.'


	7. Reconciliation and Merlin's Socks

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not Oliver, not Hermione, not even Merlin's socks! 

A/N: I'm soooooo sorry you guys! But with school and Mock Trial, and the play and life itself, I hadn't had time to update! Sorry about the five month hiatus! I hope you guys enjoy!

Chapter 7: Reconciliation and Merlin's Socks 

            All through dinner, he could feel the tingling at his fingertips. The urge was so strong that he didn't even notice the empty seat beside him. Actually, he just didn't have time to notice, seeing as how he was wolfing down his food at a speed that would make even Ron Weasley jealous. There was nothing that could stop him... Oliver Wood needed to get on a broom.

            So about half an hour later, he found himself wandering towards the old broom closet by the Quidditch pitch. The clear skies shimmered with stars amongst the endless darkness. The wind whispered softly in his ear as it danced across the fields. That exhilarating feeling is irreplaceable. 

            As he neared the little hut, however, his quidditch senses quickened and he heard noises. Slowly creaking open the door, he tried his best not to laugh out loud at the sight before him. "Madam Granger... what are you doing?" 

            "Oh, this is hopeless!" she sighed in frustration, letting go of the broomstick she had in hand. She really was quite a sight, with her hair in complete disarray and the grease from the broom maintenance kit all over her face. With her sleeves rolled up to her elbows, she sat cross-legged on the floor, disgruntled, frustrated, and not to mention, embarrassed. 

            "Oh no, is that my broom?" Oliver said with a wince at the grease covered, practically bent broomstick. He quickly wandered over and picked it up gingerly, almost as if it were his dying girlfriend. Immediately, he picked up the washcloth next to him and began rubbing the poorly used grease off the handle.

            "I tried to apologize by fixing up your broomstick a little bit, but apparently it's not exactly my area of expertise. Honestly, you'd think that someone who flew through medi-witch training could polish up a broom," she said in an exasperated tone, drowning in self-pity.

            "Well, next time you try to fix up a—wait, what did you say?" he suddenly noticed her well-hidden apology. He tore his attention away from his beloved broom and stared at the young woman beside him. 

            "I said, 'you'd think that someone who flew through-"

            "No, before that!"

            "Fixing up broomsticks is not my area of exper-"

            "No, before _that_!" His temper was returning. He wasn't angry at her really, just a bit impatient.

            "Oh... that. I was trying to apologize... Look, Professor Wood, I was really rude, I admit it. I haven't exactly been very... welcoming to you. I guess I just got caught up in the whole dumb jock stereotype and for that I am truthfully sorry," she apologized humbly. This was not what Oliver expected from the proud Gryffindor. 

            A chuckle escaped from his lips. "You're just full of surprises, you know that?" When he saw that familiar glare, he put his hands up in a defensive position, "not that it's a bad thing!"

            "That's what I thought," she muttered playfully. Then, she stuck out her hand for a handshake, "Truce?"

            "Truce." With that, the pair talked for hours while Oliver fixed up his beloved broom.

            They talked about everything from quidditch (this time with Hermione actually playing attention), to their old school days in Hogwarts (where Oliver teased Hermione about being a goody-two-shoes Head Girl). About two hours later, however, they could hear some... strange noises coming from outside the small hut. Maybe a... whimper? And then a growl.

            Deciding that it was probably Hagrid with a new pet, they thought it would be better, not to mention safer, to stay out of his way. The sounds were heading in their direction and the two Hogwarts professors were almost nervous. A shriek escaped Hermione's lips when the door flung open...

            ... and revealed the Headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry who then exclaimed, "Aw, Merlin's socks!"

*                      *                      *

            "It's a fool proof plan! The broom closet is perfect for the occasion." Dumbledore said with a delighted grin on his face. He led the group, walking and swinging his arms excitedly, like a six-year-old boy walking towards Honeydukes'.

            "Occasion? There is no occasion! Stop jumping to conclusions, Albus. We're just trying to get two perfectly mature adults to behave!" Minerva McGonagall reminded him and followed her employer. 'I swear, the only reason I'm here is to keep them in line. I'm not curious at all. No... I'm really not...at... all... Oh, who am I kidding?' she fought an inner battle that questioned her intentions for her part in the scheme.

            The charms professor, equally as excited as Dumbledore himself, ran through the locking charms and the decorative charms in his head. "Minerva, lighten up! All we're doing is locking them up in a romantic closet, decorated by yours truly, and let them talk things over! Then, we'll add in Fluffy," at this, he gestured to the enormous three headed dog following the conspicuous-looking group, "from which Oliver will protect Hermione and then in months, we might even have a wedding at Hogwarts!" His voice went higher to an excited squeak at the end of his sentence.

            Professor Sprout quickened her pace as she tried to keep up with the others. "I do hope that these are mature enough to have a profound effect," she muttered excitedly as she stared at the pot she was holding. It's very rare that she had a role in such missions.

            "I'm sure it will be fine. I believe Filius also put a charm on these already enchanted roses. It's aphrodisiac effects should be doubled. I must say, you have outdone yourself. You must do the floral arrangements at the wedding," Albus said as he went along his merry way.

            "What wedding? There is not wedding right now!" Minerva hissed, extremely annoyed. True, she wanted them to get together, but... they're infuriating!

            Meanwhile, Snape noticed his Slytherin-like quality and slowly backed away.

            "That'll be a fine day at Hogwarts, I tell yeh, a weddin'. Them two will be good ter each other," Hagrid said while dragging Fluffy by a chain attached to its three way collar. The minute Dumbledore informed him about this mission, he quickly accepted. Not only does he help a close friend who had helped him with Malfoy's teasing and Buckbeak's trial, he get to bring tremendous joy to the school, which had seen brighter days. Besides, it just sounded plain fun.

            "I'm telling you, the girl is going to murder us. Have you ordered my coffin as I have requested, Headmaster? I was lucky to have survived Voldemort, but even luck won't get me through this alive," the potions master walked at the end of the group. "Ow! Hagrid, keep your over excited puppy in order. It's stupid wagging tail hit me AGAIN! And let me tell you, if he does it again, I really don't think I can remain conscious." His role in the plot sums up to one word: Veritaserum. If they refuse to express their (as Dumbledore calls it) true (?) feelings (besides hatred) for each other, we'll drug them. That's their approach. According to them, it would be "justified" to do so. 'I bet Hermione would disagree... quite violently.'

            "Honestly, Severus, stop being so nervous! Why would Hermione be angry at us for locking her and the love of her life in a broom closet and being mock-attacked by a vicious three headed dog? Ah, here we are," Dumbledore said as he opened the door to the broom closet. "Aw, Merlin's socks!"

            "What is it, Albus?" Minerva asked, not being able to see through the narrow doorway.

            "They're already here! Tell me, you two. Have you made up and decide not to fight anymore?" Dumbledore asked hopefully. Maybe there was still a chance that he could use his plan.

            "Y-yes, headmaster. We're friends now..." Hermione was a bit hesitant in replying, having been shocked by the spontaneous headmaster.

            "Oh." Was it just Hermione, or did Dumbledore look... crestfallen at the supposedly wonderful news. "Well, there goes my evening."

            "I- I'm sorry?" Oliver spoke up. He looked past the old man's figure and spotted the three headed dog. "W-what is that?"

            Before anyone could reply, Hermione ran up to the frightening canine. "Fluffy! How have you been?" 

            "Oh yeh, I, uh, forgot that yeh took care of 'em fer me fer a while. Sorry, Professor Dumbledore. Guess it wouldn't have worked anyway," Hagrid said apologetically.

            "Ah, there goes my master plan up in smoke! The damsel is not supposed to befriend the monster!" Dumbledore pouted as he sat down on a bench and wallowed in his ruined plan.

            "Wait, master plan? And what is everyone doing here? Is that... veritaserum, Severus? And isn't that the rose you were telling me about, Madam Sprout? What is going on?" Hermione asked cautiously. It was never good when this motley crew came together.

            "We were, just uh... out for a walk! Yes, a walk! A breath of fresh air always does us old folks good!" Filius said quickly, trying to think of an excuse. Dumbledore, sensing that Hermione was on the brink of discovering their plan, backed away towards the door and back to the castle. The rest of them followed suit while trying to escape a suspicious Hermione and a confused Oliver.

            "All of you... took walks... to the broom closet with... Fluffy?" Hermione asked skeptically.

            "Well, uh, you see..." Minerva struggled. She knew it was a good idea to stay on her brilliant student's good side. "It was a... bonding activity. And Fluffy... was... lonely?"

            "Bonding activity..." Everyone nodded frantically to try to cover up their tracks. "And you, Severus, of all people, decided to join..."

            "Well, it's about time I uh... socialize with my co-workers more... You always say that, right?" Snape stuttered, being more nervous than he had his entire life. She seemed calm, a bit too calm. He had no doubt in his mind that she had already figured out that they were planning something and that she would give him hell later.

            "Wait a second, wait a second. If we're all out here... then who is in the castle... with the students?" Oliver asked, finally snapping out of his daze. Everyone looked at Albus.

            "Why, Professor Binns, of course!" The other professors looked at each other, and without another word, ran back towards the castle.

            That night, they returned and found five Gryffindors, two Hufflepuffs, Six Slytherins, and one Ravenclaw passed out in the hallway from firewhiskey and stripped down to their boxers by their classmates...

            All this time, the History of Magic professor lectured to the unconscious bodies about the Second Trolls War.


	8. Hogwarts Children from 16 to 200

A/N: Sorry, everyone! For the RIDICULOUS delay! I know! School has been very demanding and the block in my brain really wasn't helping. Anyway, thanks to the encouragement of many, I've decided to click that little button on my desktop and start typing. I hope you guys like it!  
  
Chapter 8: Hogwarts Children from 16-200  
  
"Too slow, they're too slow, darn it!" The headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was getting impatient, and that's never a good sign.  
  
His Deputy Headmistress just shook her head and rolled her eyes, knowing once again that her boss was getting a bit too caught up with his antics. She knew she should have been scared when he said he wanted to live like a kid again after the war. "Albus, stop fidgeting and whining, you're scaring the children," she said irritably as she attacked her scrambled eggs. She never was a morning person and the fact that she had to start her day listening to a nearly 200 year old man complain about other people's relationships made her especially volatile. She couldn't stand that type of gossip as a six-year with the other girls in her dorm and she certainly didn't need it now.  
  
"But Minniiiiiiieeee-"God she hated that nickname! She threw him a glare, which promptly shut him up. Like a child who had been denied a new toy, Dumbledore pushed around the chickpeas on his plate to make pictures.  
  
"Yea, Minniiiiieee...." Snape said in the same annoying sing-song voice. The smirk on his face told McGonagall just how much he was enjoying this. Deciding not to take this anymore, she took a page from Hermione's book and ground her slight heel into Snape's foot. "Jesus! Woman!" he hissed with a grimaced.  
  
Satisfied, she was just about to get back to her breakfast when she felt a tug at her sleeve from the previous direction. She turned to see a pouting Headmaster, holding a plate of chickpeas... arranged in a sad face.  
  
Dumbledore smiled on the inside when he saw the adorable Minerva McGonagall (in his eyes anyway) with a vein throbbing on her forehead.  
  
Hermione Granger hummed softly to herself as she responded to Ginny's letter. Apparently, the younger girl still had no idea how to tell her muggle boyfriend about her heritage. "Love just complicates everything, doesn't it?" she said softly to herself as she reviewed her response.  
  
"Oh no, please don't tell me I walked in on one of your teenage romantic drama moments," a sarcastic voice drifted from the entrance of the infirmary.  
  
"If I said yes, would you run away and scream in horror?" she asked without looking up. After all, this had become a habit in the past year and she rather enjoyed the companionship.  
  
The potions master, sensing her antics, decided to play along. With an indignant gasp, he held a hand to his heart, feeling lucky that it's still beating. "You wouldn't!" he whispered with narrow eyes. He walked over and dropped off the latest batch of sleeping draughts in her cabinets.  
  
"I don't know. I mean, if it can get rid of you... Besides, it sounds rather amusing. Now if I had only known that it was that easy to get rid of you when I was still your student..." She tied the letter to the leg of the awaiting owl after using her age-old wax seal.  
  
"You wound me, my dear." With a dramatic pause, the figure clad in black fell back onto the pristine white sheets of the cots.  
  
"I hope you plan on straightening those out when you get up," she said as she walked over to the cabinets and began with the weekly update of the inventory. It wasn't that she was ignoring him. It's just that she felt comfortable enough to be that casual around him. He was like a long-lost uncle or cousin or some relative twice-removed. There was just something about him. "You know, you're just a big teddy bear."  
  
"That's it, I'm leaving before this gets worse," Severus pretended to get up, but continued to stare at the white ceiling. It was really something he never thought he'd hear in his entire life, at least not directed to him.  
  
"No, I'm serious! You'll see. I'm going to convince everyone that under all that awful black fabric, you're just a big, soft teddy bear. I'm going to make a nice pink, fuzzy teddy bear and name it Severus," she said with an endearing smile.  
  
"You do that and I'll sic that Oliver bloke on you. I'll do it too. Remember, I am a Slytherin." When the pregnant pause descended, he decided to further his questioning. "So how are you guys anyway?"  
  
She turned towards him hesitantly, as if unsure of what to say. "Oh, we're fine. We talk and hang out now. We don't get to see each other much since we're both here to work, but we try to take the time." Snape smirked, they sounded like a couple already. "It's weird, you know? Now that I'm getting to know him, I can't remember why I disliked him so much. He's very much a gentleman, you know."  
  
"Oh, is he? Well then I'll just have to recruit someone else to support me on the anti-Snape-teddy-bear campaign." 'Considering how whipped that kid is going to be. Poor guy, doesn't even know what he's getting into,' Snape thought. Although he did tease around and joked about the couple, he was actually quite pleased with the match himself. "While I'm at it, I'm going to tell everyone exactly what you are."  
  
"And what's that?" she asked, amused.  
  
"Poison ivy."  
  
"Ha ha, very funny. I'm annoying, et cetera. And can I hear your logic?"  
  
"You're contagious." With that, he walked out of the room. Indeed, the young woman was very contagious. After all, she can make him smile.  
  
Hermione was stunned for a second, left alone to contemplate her co- worker's words. With a shake of her head, she turned back to her task. She found it ridiculously difficult to concentrate though, and she had every intention to blame it all on Severus. That feeling she got when he mentioned Oliver...  
  
"Oh don't be silly, Hermione. You're not a giggling seventh year."  
  
"You know, I resent that, Madam Granger. Not all seventh years are giggly and ditzy." The new voice caused Hermione to turn her head. She smiled when she recognized one of the more mature members of the rowdy seventh-year Gryffindors.  
  
"Well, Cammy, what can I do for you today? Please say that you're keeping Rick in check. He can be quite a problem sometimes. Must be something about beaters." Her mind wandered off for a bit as she thought of the infamous Weasley twins. She quickly snapped back to the present. He's only worse with Kevin."  
  
Cammy looked down and immediately felt guilty about what she was about to do. She knew it was for the beloved medi-witch's own good, but she still had trouble with the whole lying bit. "Well, actually, it is about Rick," she started with a shaky breath. She then tore her eyes away from the floor tiles to make her performance more believable. "You see, he took quite a nasty hit from a bludger two days ago and we thought he was fine but he said it's acting up again. Can you please go see him right now? It's quite urgent."  
  
"Of course! Where is he now?" Hermione asked frantically as she grabbed all the potions she needed and placed them in her medicine case.  
  
"He's in the boys' locker room by the Quidditch Pitch. He's in the second shower stall from the wall, washing his wound. Do you know the way? I thought it would be a good idea for me to run over to Professor McGonagall and ask her to come see if Rick can still play." Who knew she could do this without stuttering?  
  
"Of course. You run along now and I'll rush down there right away. Second stall from the wall, correct?" At the girl's nod, she quickly left her room. Cammy looked guiltily after her before she heard snickering from the corner.  
  
"Come out, guys. I feel bad enough as it is. You don't have to lie to me about it," she said as she buried her face in her hands in shame. Just then, three figures emerged from beneath an invisibility cloak in the corner of the room.  
  
"That was bloody brilliant! Who knew goody-Cammy could lie like that! You're my hero!" Kevin said between barks of laughter.  
  
"I agree, that was amazing!" Cassidy said with a grin.  
  
"That's my girl!" Rick leaned over and planted a kiss on his girlfriend's blushing cheeks.  
  
"I feel so bad! Are you sure we're doing the right thing?" Cammy asked, her question muffled by her hands.  
  
"Bad? Are you kidding? I am so jealous!" Cassidy smiled scandalously.  
  
"I'm sure she'll be ecstatic, Cam. By the way, are Kev and I really that bad?" The girls gave him a look, a roll of the eyes and a quick sigh before nodding. "All right!" the boys cheered with a high five.  
  
Meanwhile, back with our heroine  
  
The first thing she recognized was the smell of shaving cream in the air. 'If they always use this much, it's no wonder that some of it would creep into their brains.' There was steam everywhere and the moisture was setting on her skin, her clothes, and her hair. The feeling was not exactly the best in the world, like that of a hot, humid summers' day. But our brave heroine tread on in the territory where no mediwitch has gone before.  
  
'Cammy said the second stall from the wall... ah hah!' True to her word, there was steam rising from the said stall and Hermione approached it. She reached out for the dripping curtain, innocently asking, "Rick, sweetie? Are you all right?"  
  
In the next moment, silence fell upon the room and all that could be heard was the sound of the water beating from the showerhead. 


	9. Oh that London Fashion!

AN: I decided that it is much too cruel to leave you with such a cliffhanger from last chapter so I decided to work on and post this one right away. I had a blast writing it and I hope you enjoy!  
  
Chapter 9: Oh, that London fashion!  
  
She could hardly believe her eyes. One moment, she was frantically concerned about one of her most interesting patients and the next, BAM she was in shock. Her mouth hung open like that of a fish and her eyes, despite her efforts to close them in modesty, could only stare at the image in front of her. There he was, Oliver Wood, Quidditch extraordinaire, obsessions of teenage girls everywhere, now stood in front of her as naked as the day he was born. There was only one thought in her mind: Wow.  
  
Oliver Wood is not a shy person by any means. He was used to attention- after all, it was part of the job description. Still, he was shocked when his shower was interrupted by a female, one of the most complicated ones he had ever met at that. He had no idea what she was doing there and at the moment he really didn't care. It seemed like all his flaws were suddenly too apparent for comfort. His skin seemed like it was sagging and his knees felt wobbly and weak. How could one girl affect a confident guy like him by that much? With no strength to react and shampoo in his hair, he had no idea what to do except smile weakly and say, "Fancy seeing you here."  
  
His voice seemed to have an effect on her as she finally blinked for the first time in about two minutes. She realized how it must have looked, with her suddenly tearing the shower curtain apart and staring at him like there was no tomorrow. The poor guy must have thought she was going to rape him! All thoughts of the poor suffering student flew from her head, except for the fact that he very well will REALLY be poor and suffering under her hands in the near future. She turned around quickly, with her hands covering her beet-red face. "I'm so sorry! I thought- Cammy said- so I-! I'm so sorry! I didn't see anything, I swear!... Actually that was a lie, I saw quite a bit ,but I-"  
  
"Don't worry, I know it's a misunderstanding." Actually, he wasn't sure HOW that was a misunderstanding, but he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Wanting to reduce the embarrassment factor of the situation, he reached for his clothes, only to find that they had been pilfered by a few little matchmakers moments ago. "Um, Hermione. You wouldn't happen to know where my clothes went, would you?"  
  
"What?" How dare they? She rashly whipped around to make sure that he was telling the truth- that his clothes really had gone missing. When she saw the sight of poor Oliver finally being out of shock enough to try to cover himself, she quickly turned back away. "Sorry about that. Anyway, I think I have a slight idea of what happened to them. We have to get out of here though, to do anything."  
  
"How the heck do you propose we do that?" A wet, confused, and naked Oliver asked, shivering in the cold.  
  
"Um, how do you feel about playing dress up?"  
  
Three minutes later, after much struggling, a fully dressed Hermione Granger walked out with Oliver Wood- wearing nothing but a shower curtain wrapped around his waist and dragging across the floor. They passed by Professor Flitwick, who stared at Oliver's attire with shock. "Is THAT what young people are wearing these days?"  
  
Not really in the mood to explain everything, Oliver just nodded. "Oh yeah, it's all the craze in London."  
  
A thousand catcalls and longing stares later, Oliver finally made it to his room, got dressed and rounded up the troublemakers with his fellow victim. Now sitting in the Headmaster's office and explaining the scenario to his boss and his former Transfiguration teacher, the situation really did seem ridiculous. "...and so, as much as I love the students, I do hope you will find severe punishment for these little troublemakers."  
  
Using all his strength, Dumbledore tried to suppress a smile from cracking across his face as he looked at the group of students now blushing from getting caught and the two pranked adults. "Now, Hermione, I understand that you're upset, but it WAS just a harmless prank, all in good fun."  
  
"Harmless? Prank??" the mediwitch screeched, astonished. "Imagine if this happened to you and Minerva, Albus! Would it be so harmless then?" Ron always DID tell her that she needed help with her temper and always said things that may not be the best.  
  
"Actually, that would be quite-"Dumbledore began.  
  
"Albus!" McGonagall interrupted before he could continue. Goodness knows the strange things that could come out of that man's mouth. "I personally agree with Hermione. I believe that they have taken things a bit far and therefore, twenty points a piece from Gryffindor." At that Hermione smiled. She always knew Minerva was her favorite.  
  
"Yes, yes, that's right. Now, I want you students to stay for a second and think about what you have done. Hermione, Oliver, you may go." With that, the two adults walked out of the room and without a word, in opposite directions. After all, when you've seen THAT much of each other, there really aren't any words.  
  
back in the office  
  
The minute Albus saw the spiral staircase carry the teachers down, he gleefully got to his feet and congratulated the Gryffindors on a job well done. "Brilliant! Just brilliant! I knew that other people would soon see that they were the perfect couple. Great job, indeed! You all remind me of myself when I was younger! Don't you agree, Minnie?"  
  
The students all looked at their Transfiguration teacher in surprise. "Minnie?!?!" they exclaimed collectively. Kevin began to snicker but Rick had the sense to nudge him in the ribs before it became that awful bark. He cleverly covered it up with a cough, but the smirk still remained.  
  
Minerva McGonagall stared at the group in front of her. Even her most trusted student since Hermione Granger: Cammy Grant, was part of this little conspiracy. Younger Albus'? Suddenly, the old wizards head replaced the students and it seemed like they were all smiling that annoying smile of his with that annoying glint in his eyes. Why? Hasn't she suffered enough during the war? There are Albus Dumbledore mini-me's?! With that thought, she proceeded to bang her head against the nearest wall... repeatedly.  
  
With a wave of his hand, the headmaster dismissed her behavior. "Oh, never mind her. She's just a kill joy. Now, my fellow cupids, would you like to join us in creating the relationship of a lifetime?" He offered his hand as a friendly shake and Kevin, the leader of the group, gladly went and grasped it.  
  
"This is the beginning of a beautiful partnership," the Gryffindor seeker said with a smirk.  
  
Hearing the last comment, McGonagall banged her head against the wall harder. The only good thing that could come out of this, she decided, was watching Severus' expression when they break the news to him.  
  
"Oh, I can't wait to tell Filius! He will be so excited!" He quickly used the floo system to invite the Charms professor to the gathering in his office. Minutes later, Professor Flitwick proudly walked into the office and everyone just stared at him for a second, wide eyed and open mouth.  
  
That is because our friendly, hip, trusty Filius Flitwick had taken upon wearing a towel... only a towel. When he saw everyone gape at him like fish out of water, he simply asked, "What? Have you never seen this type of attire before? It IS all the craze in London!" 


	10. The Rumor Mill and Singing PJs

AN: It's been a while! Sorry! Here's the next part! Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 10: Rumor Mills and Singing PJ's  
  
Considering the fact that their last plan blew up in their faces, the "alliance" (one that Professor Snape had deemed unholy) did what they thought was best (though the ones with actual sanity thought it was absurd): the effective use of peer pressure. With Rick and Kevin's famous motor-mouths, it was not long until the entire school buzzed with condensed and stretched versions about the "escapade" of the two favorite staff members. By dinnertime that night, both parties of the incident had more or less heard the stories going around by the minute. Of course, one took it better than the other.  
  
Two guesses who.  
  
"So," Hermione began as she took her usual seat between Oliver and Severus, "have you heard that we have used the boys' locker room as our secret snogging spot for the past month? I find it odd, considering I heard this from another source and did not know of it first-hand. What do you think, Oliver?"  
  
"With a sound close to a snort, Oliver turned his attention away from the carrots to make his point. "You thought that was bad. From what I've heard, we were shagging mindlessly—ow! It's not like I was the one who said it!" he protested at the pain shooting up his leg.  
  
"Awww, is the big, tough ex-pro-quidditch player hurt by a little girl like me? Hermione said mockingly.  
  
"Girl? Devil's more like it! I—mean an angel. There's just this light around you, Hermione. Have you changed skin products?" After months of sitting next to the volatile woman, Oliver had learned the importance of self-preservation and the quick change of topic.  
  
"Seriously though, the rumor mill is getting ridiculous. Merlin! I can't imagine being known eternally as the medi-witch who shagged the flying instructor in the shower stalls." At this, the humble Hermione buried her blushing, embarrassed face in her hands.  
  
"So it would be okay for you to be the medi-witch shagging the flying instructor, just not in the shower stalls? Well, Hermione. I didn't know you were interested. I would have—"  
  
"Wood?" Snape, who'd been silent up to this point, interrupted.  
  
"Yes, Severus?"  
  
"This would be a good place to stop if you would like to avoid indescribable pain," the potions master said casually as if he'd just commented on the weather.  
  
At this, Oliver looked over at Hermione and sure enough, that glare was in tact.  
  
"Yea, I think I'll shut up now." Obviously, he still had much to learn.  
  
"Well, looks like our plan is working," the headmaster said, excited that something had finally gone his way.  
  
Minerva looked over at the couple and immediately became confused. "Albus, they're just talking."  
  
"Oh Minerva. Sweet, naïve Minerva. They may be just talking, but we can all hear the hidden sexual tension beneath their tones. Yes, they're falling in love quite nicely."  
  
Minerva, who'd been doubtful of the plan in the first place (in fact, she barred the door so they couldn't escape, but Hagrid lifted her like a sack of screaming potatoes), was even more skeptical now. "Oh Albus, you're getting old. You can't possibly still have such good hearing to know what they're saying over this ruckus."  
  
With a cheerful grin, Dumbledore revealed his secret. "Not with the all new travel-size extendable ears for spying and other trouble-making now available at the nearest Weasley Wizard Wheezes for 3 galleons and 4 knuts. However, if you order by owl in the next 2 days, they'll throw in these awesome blue, singing bunny pajama pants! All for just 4 galleons!" At this, he lifted part of his robe to show her the merchandise. Sure enough, against a dark blue background, furry little bunny-like objects broke out in a rowdy, yet squeaky-sounding chorus of "My Girl Wants to Party All the Time" by the muggle entertainer, Eddie Murphy.  
  
"What are you, a walking, talking, singing-pajama-wearing advertisement?"  
  
"They pay me by commission. So how about it, Minnie? Can I put you down for the ears and pants?"  
  
"I'd rather not," she said as she returned to her food, obviously wanting to end the strange conversation.  
  
"But then we can match!" he said enthusiastically.  
  
"Exactly," she replied briskly, ending the exchange.  
  
A brief silence followed until she heard Dumbledore turn and say, "So Severus, how do you feel about blue, singing pajama pants. They're silky!"  
  
"How did the rumors get so bad?" Kathy, one of the Gryffindor beaters, asked.  
  
"Well, you give us a job, we'll get it done right!" Kevin said proudly with a grin and gave his best friend a high five.  
  
"You didn't do anything right! You were only supposed to tell what happened, not stretch it to sex and marriage and what not! We're going to be expelled! I just know it!" Cammy cried. Seeing his distressed girlfriend, Rick quickly put his arm around her shoulder and abandoned his momentary spike of pride.  
  
"We won't get expelled. We're working with Dumbledore, remember? You can't get expelled for doing what the Headmaster agrees to," Cassie said, taking pity on the high-strung girl. The involvement of other faculty members seemed to calm the bookworm a bit and she returned to her dinner. "So, oh brilliant mastermind. What now?"  
  
Kevin smiled his 100-watt smile and girls from all the way across the room sighed in admiration. "Don't worry, I have a plan."  
  
Cammy quickly put her forehead against the table, not caring that she landed on the mashed potatoes. "We're screwed." 


	11. Jealousy All Around

Chapter 11: Jealousy All Around

A/N: Indeed, it has been forever… Sorry! My trip to NY and my 18th b-day two days ago inspired me again! Here you go, more insanity a la carte!

Minerva McGonagall eyed the five guilty parties in the room harshly. The shifting eyes were all the proof she needed to condemn them and she knew that, in this single, rare occasion, the potions master, who was currently performing his carefully perfected sulk in the corner of her classroom, would gladly lend a poison or two. With a deep breath as a ditch effort to remain calm, she spoke softly and slowly. "What… did you lot… think you were doing?"

"Honestly, Minerva, do you really want to get into their twisted little mindsets? Just punish them already!" Severus Snape's impatient drawl didn't exactly bode well with the already irritated Transfiguration perofessor.

"Well, maybe if you can stop pathetically sulking like a stupid teenager, I can get something get!"

"Well, it's not my fault if you get distracted easily!"

"Well, it's not my fault hat you like to stick your abnormally large nose in other people's business!"

"Well-"

"Hey, hey, hey! People, people, people!" Albus Dumbledore, one o f the five who were currently under interrogation exclaimed as he got to his feet. "No one annoys and bickers with Minnie but me! I'm watching you, you little punk." With two fingers, the headmaster pointed to his own eyes and then towards Snape, who was still trying to recover from being accused of flirting with a woman old enough to be his mother.

"Awww, Professor Dumbledore is jealous!" Cassie and Cammy, for whom this is very rare, squealed.

"Minnie!" Rick and Kevin sniggered loudly at the silly name of their strict professor.

"Quiet!" Professor McGonagall said, red-faced and trying to hold onto her last shred of dignity. "Now, if we can stop changing the subject-"

"But Minnie!" Dumbledore, Rick, and Kevin whined in a way that only 6 year-olds can, which is just about their mental age.

"Silence! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for me to find out from a fourth year in class that there is to be a ball in the school in which I am Deputy Headmistress?"

"Well, no, 'cause I'm just a student…"

"…and not a woman, so technically can't be headMISTRESS…"

The way those rascals finished each others' sentences reminded Minerva of Black and Potter, or worse, the Weasley Twins! (Fred and George: high-five Make us proud!) At the thought of this, Minerva leaned heavily on her desk. "I'm way too old for this."

"Was that a trick question, Minnie?" The straw that broke the camel's back. She sat in a chair, in awe that this man, her revered boss, was behaving no better than a couple of teenage boys! Not to mention, the combined IQ of those three is quite possibly less than the bird that she transfigured from a water goblet an hour ago. The one that flew straight at a wall!

"Guys, I don't think that was the point." Cammy said rationally. Then carefully, she approached her professor, who, for all she knew, could potentially go crazy cat woman on their asses. "We're sorry we didn't tell you first, professor. It's just that we were talking about it as a plan and a fifth year Ravenclaw overheard and told everybody. It spread too fast and things just got out of hand. We're sorry."

Minerva sighed. She never had a problem being a bit harsh with Dumbledore and his little imitations. She just had a soft spot towards students like Cammy, who reminded her so much of Hermione. She'd considered Hermione to practically being her daughter. Much to her dismay, when she confided in Dumbledore about this, he wouldn't stop referring to her as "their love child." Still, she never could stand her ground against them.

Seeing and feeling the grave atmosphere, our very own Albus stood up solemnly and put a hand on Minerva's shoulder. "I understand your frustration, Minerva, and it's all right…" Minerva looked up, this could perhaps be one of his more profound moments, the ones that reassured her of his ability as a wizard and a human being. She looked up and met his twinkling blue eyes, awaiting the undoubtedly profound advice. "I know you're worried about a date but don't worry, I'll gladly be your escort for the evening! All right kids, run-along!"

When McGonagall recovered from her gaping-like-a-fish state, she found her students gone and Severus Snape trying his best to not burst into laughter. "Albus, I wasn't-"

"Expecting such an amazing offer? Yes, sometimes I amaze myself as well." At this, he stepped in front of a mirror, where his image was busy smiling at him and straightening up his clothes. At this, Severus broke and began laughing like a hyena, no wait, a herd of elephants is more like it. Minerva sent him a deadly glare.

"Well, if I'm going down, he's coming with me. Albus, I insist on Severus escorting Sybil Trelawney for the evening." Severus' face immediate became one of indescribable terror. He never thought Minerva could be that cruel…

"Ah, yes. Since I pounded Severus into the ground with the competition over my dearest Minerva, I shall arrange for him to attend the ball with Sybil."

"Albus, please don't-"

"Oh, it's no trouble, Severus, I'm glad to do it." As Severus' mouth start flapping like a fish (a desperate attempt to get out of this hellish arrangement), Dumbledore puts his arm around the former death eater. "Oh, don't bother to thank me, my boy. Just invite me to your wedding."

At this, Severus' mind filled with images of tuxedos, white dresses, and death predictions. Instead of his usual elegant swoop, he flailed down the hallway, screaming bloody murder.

"Oh, Albus, you have done him such a favor he is jumping with joy!" Minerva said with an evil smirk and a maniacal grin.

"Have I told you just how much I love you? Welcome to the dark side, Minnie!"

Meanwhile, in the infirmary…

"I can't believe it. You're a grown man, and you can't even take care of yourself." Hermione said as she slowly put a bandage around Oliver's arm.

"I'm a man, I'm prone to get into accidents when doing manly things. I'm dangerous," he said with a flirtatious smile. He was always this silly, but for some reason, with Hermione, he truly wanted to impress her.

"Oliver, you fell out of bed. That's not exactly manly."

"Yea, but when you're awesome like me, anything you do is manly…" Oliver was about to continue the pretense when the potions master burst in, hair all out of place and looking terrified, as if he'd seen the Fat Friar float around naked.

"Severus, are you all right?" Hermione asked at once. She abandoned the bandage and ran over to the out-of-breath Severus. "Are you hurt? Is everything okay?" For some reason, Oliver suddenly felt a spike of hatred towards the Slytherin head-of-house. Granted, they've never really gotten along, and there were nights when Oliver would secretly plot against him for signing the Quidditch pitch to Slytherin, but never anything like this. He glared as though it would create a magnetic effect towards Hermione.

"Hermione, you know that you can consider us…" Severus spat out, "… friends. But I really hate you and that kid over there right now. The things I do for you."

'Well, guess what else you can do for us? Leave!' thought Oliver, but he knew that if he had said that out loud, he would probably get kicked out of the infirmary.

"Oh Severus, you're talking crazy. Are you sure you're all right? Oh, don't tell me. You had that crazy dream where Albus-headed bunnies are chasing you, right?" Hermione asked, truly concerned for the usually calm and composed professor. Suddenly, they heard a low mumbling down the hall heading towards them.

"Oh my God! Hide me! If you have any mercy at all, hide me! I will be eternally indebted to you! Just don't let her find me!" Severus begged and ran behind a curtain. Just then, Professor Trelawney stepped into the room. Having never really liked the woman, Hermione gave an unfriendly greeting.

"Have you seen my dearest Severus? Oh hello, Oliver. I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

YES! Oliver wanted to scream. Then again, it's not like they could do much with an overgrown bat flying around. Just then, he thought of a way to address the jealousy he'd felt towards Severus. "Why, hello Sybil. Don't worry, Hermione was just patching me up. And in fact, Severus is right behind that curtain right there. He's been waiting for you. Said a little game of hide-and-seek really spices things up."

Hermione could barely react with her jaw dropped and Severus whispered profanities that would make the former dark lord blush. As Sybil dragged him out with a death grip around his neck, he shouted as loud as he could, "You ungrateful bastard! The things I do for you and this is how you repay me! How could you!"

After the pair had left, Hermione was still unable to grasp exactly what had just happened in her infirmary. So when Oliver insisted that nothing was going on, she just nodded and continued to tend to her patient.


End file.
